My name is Ryder Marie Daniels. A writer from Chicago. I struggled to get to be the bad chick that I am right now. I been through it all. Trust me baby, you wouldn’t want to walk through my damn shoes that’s for sure. You know they say a little girl’s first best friend is her mother and her first love is her daddy. But not for me…I never met my father and as for my mother…let me tell you the story of how a chaotic relationship with my egg donor turned me into a force to be wrecking with.
I was nine years old and sitting in my bedroom reading a Judy Moody book when the sounds of screaming, yelling and cries broke me from the trance I was in. Quietly, I tiptoed down the hall towards my mother’s bedroom when I was shocked to see her getting punched by a strange man. Running to her rescue my small little arms did everything they could to protect this woman. My heart was beating a million miles a minute as the sounds of this man sent chills down my spine. Witnessing your mother's rape as a child is an image I will never forget.
“I don't care what you got to do. You should've had my money. Now you going to pay for this shit!”
“Please don't do this! You don't have to do this!” I hear my mother cry out.
“Shut up! Get on that bed bitch. I don't have time for this. I'm going to get paid either way.” He threatens as he slaps her roughly across the face.
This strange man begins to pull down my mother's pants and underwear. I step in with an attempt to stop the man from raping my mother. With all my might I tried to land small punches on his back. But the man turns around and shoves me across the room. I end up bumping my head on the dresser and began to cry.
“Ryder! Leave my daughter alone!” My mother cried out.
“Shut up! I don't give a damn about her. She ain't my child. Hey...get the hell out of here. You don't need to see this.” The man yelled at me.
“Ryder, go to your room and lock the door!” My mother cried to me.
I composed myself and ran straight to my room and hid in the closest. Crying, I placed myself into a ball and covered my ears to block out the screams and cries from my mother. Then suddenly, all the noises stop. I hear the door slam and my mother approaches my bedroom.
“Ryder! Ryder! Bring yo' ass out here right now!”
My mom opens the closest door and yanks me off the floor and slaps me harshly across the floor. I began to cry and places my hand across my stinging face.
“How many mutherfucking times have I told yo' little ass not to get involved when I got company over? That nigga could have killed your ass. Let momma handle her damn business. I can handle these little wannabe pimps and assholes. All they want is a little bit of nut. Next time keep yo little ass in the room.”
Excuse me?! What the hell was she even talking about? I tried to protect her, and this is the thanks I get. She curses me out. That man almost killed her. This isn’t even the worse of my mother. Ugh. Let me continue with this story.
“But momma, he was going to hurt you.”
“What the fuck did I just say? Don't you worry about me! I can take care of myself. What you in here doing? Reading a book? Why the fuck you always in here reading these stupid ass books? These books ain't going to take you nowhere. Keep yo' ass in your room. When I'm ready for yo ass to come out, I'll let you know. Now I'll be back, I gotta go make some money. Marvin is on his way over.”
“No! Please don't leave me here with him. I beg of you. Please!
I grabbed my mother's arm to stop her from going anywhere. My mom back slaps me, knocking me to the floor.
“Shut the hell up with all that damn crying. You ain't no damn baby. Now I'm about to go. Be back later tonight.”
I closed the door as soon as my mother left the house. I sit on the bed trying to take my mind off of the thought of Marvin coming. I start to read the book again. A few moments later Marvin begins knocking on the door.
“Ryder! Open the door! I know you in there girl.”
I turned my head to look towards the door. I close my eyes tight and begin to pray silently as he slowly opens the door and walks in.
“Hello, Ryder! How are you doing today?”
I sit on the bed and stay silent.
“Come on, Ryder. You can talk to me. I won't hurt you. Where's your mother?
I simply shrug my shoulders and don’t make eye contact. Marvin begins to place his hand on my back and begin to move his hand up and down.
“Relax. I won't hurt you. You're such a pretty little girl. But you can think of me as your friend. There's nothing wrong with having a friend, is it?
I nervously shake my head. Marvin smiles widely as he places his hand in between my thighs. He slowly touches in between my private area. But I push his hand away. Marvin laughs and moves his hand. He stands up, stands behind me places his hands on my face and he kisses my forehead and then her lips.
“Keep this between us. You're my special friend, okay Ryder.”
Marvin finally exits my bedroom to watch television in the living room. I begin to tear up silently. I run to lock the door and get in the bed and pulls the blankets over my head and cries myself to sleep.
3 Years later
As you can see, I’ve been through some shit. So, the only way I knew how to escape was through writing stories. I read a lot of books also. It took my mind away from the drama that was my reality. School became a safe haven for a few hours for me. In class, our teacher passed back our essays. Had to admit how excited I became once I received the grade of “A” on my short story paper.
“Good job, Ryder! I’m very proud of you. Your story was very creative. You’re a very gifted writer. Keep going.” Mrs. Hall smiled at me while giving me a slight pat on the back before she returned to finish passing out the remaining papers. That one moment made my whole day. But unfortunately, that happy moment would be short lived once I returned home.
I walk into my home to see my mother engaging in a sexual activity in our living room.
“Yes, aww yes, fuck me daddy! Fuck yeah! Yes, this pussy soaking wet.” I heard my mother shout as she sat in a cowgirl position on some strange man’s dick.
“What the hell you looking at? Go take your ass in the room.”
I ran immediately to my room and slammed the door. Standing in disbelief at what I just saw. I let out a few tears before wiping them from my eyes. Peeking out the door, my mother was no longer in the living room. I walked to the kitchen and began to call my aunt Catherine.
Hey, it's me Ryder. Can you please pick me up? I don't want to be here anymore. It’s not sa-"
My mom walks into the kitchen in a brand-new pink velour track suit. She walks over and yells at me.
“Ryder. What the hell are you doing? What did I tell you about playing on my damn phone? Who the hell you talking to any damn way?”
She takes the phone and places it up to her ear.
“No, she doesn't need to go anywhere with you. She's fine right where she at? Goodbye.” She said slamming the receiver down.
“What the hell are you doing calling your damn aunt fo!”
She begins beating me relentlessly. I burst into tears and run to my room and slam the door. The days of me coming home seeing my mother engaged in either sexual activity or snorting coke up her nose with several strange men continued on for the next few years. It wasn’t until I was a little older that I realized she was a cracked-out prostitute. But things started to take a turn for the fucking worse once I hit twelve years of age. That’s when my whole life changed.
Apparently, my mother was in over her head with one of her pimps. He wasn’t happy with “just her.” He had other plans.
“You going to give me what I what I want or I swear I will light this bitch up with you in it.” He said punching my mother in the face.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Bitch, don’t be sorry, have my money.”
Wrong time, wrong place. I wish I’d made it home a few hours later.
“Okay. I’ll give you whatever you want. Just name it.”
“Alright. I want…Ryder.” The tall stocky built man with the tapered waves towered over my small and frail mother.
“But Ryder’s my daughter!”
“You said whatever I want. I want Ryder.”
I took one look at the man and ran swiftly towards my room and tried to lock the door. But he was too fast. He caught the door before I could get a chance to slam it shut behind me. This man grabbed me from behind and pushed me down on the bed. Tears began to stroll down my face.
I cried out for my mother’s help. But sadly enough, she did something I never thought she’d do.
“Ryder, stop crying like a little ass bitch. Spread them legs hoe!” She blurted out to me.
Jimmy yanked at my pants almost ripping them off. I refused to let this man take away my innocence. Then, knowing that the one woman whose sole purpose was to love and care for me. Didn’t give a damn about me. Her daughter is simply just another trick as hoe off the block. Either me or him… with all the strength inside of me I kicked this man right in face and then I kicked him right in between his legs. I saw him yell out and pain. My mother slapped me across the face. At this moment, I no longer saw her as the mother who gave me life. But another bitch off the block. So, I slapped her back and pushed her off of me.
I grabbed my bag and ran as far away from my home as possible.
“Don’t bring yo little bitch ass back here again. You little scaredy as hoe!” I heard my mother yell out into the distance.
Breathing hard as tears ran down my face, I had to gather myself. There is no way that this shit has happened to me. I was…I was…I was almost raped by mother’s pimps. Ain’t no way I’m ever going back there. But now where was I going to go? Where was I going to sleep? It was Autumn in Chicago and without a sweater my ass was freezing. The only person I knew would probably take me in was my aunt.
I pulled out my cellphone and dialed her number. Grateful, that she picked up.
“Hello, yes this Ryder. I really need you to come and get me. I’m at the park by 47th Avenue and Lennox. My mom…set me up! One of the men that she always has over the house wanted to rape me and she didn’t do anything to stop him. She tried to pin me down, so I’d get raped. I had to fight them both off, and I ran as far as I could before I got tired. I’m scared, cold and it’s getting late out here. This park has some sketchy people in it. Thank you so much. I am so sorry for calling you so late.” I ended the phone call with my aunt, who said she’d be there soon to pick me up. Now relived that someone would be coming to my rescue but how the hell could a mother allow her daughter to be raped. Would she really try to pimp me off like a hooker? I hated that woman; cracked out prostitute. A mother…no. A drugged out whore is what she was.